Secrets of a Single Mom

Thursday, September 7th

00:21:41

Parenting is already hard enough and being a single parent is even harder. In this podcast host Elizabeth Kay sits down with her friend and single mom Alley Faith about the hard days, how does she co-parent with her ex and what she needs to do to get through the long days with her two sons.

To connect with Alley Faith from 103.7 KISS FM, you can find her on Facebook.

 

Thanks for listening!

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

It's Elizabeth came with another podcast here fifty shades of K amber talked in single moms have one of my good friend also a single mom Alley fades from our sister station across the hall want to point 72 is about how well Elizabeth we are talking or doing a podcast together since we got back from warnings of boot camp I know and you're the only girl in the morning with me in this building right we need to stick together now we do we have we gathered. We were together for what almost ten years now Nash and the like the only girl in the building gas for tampons but. You know all the girls yeah you know we don't think about there's times I can't worry about and I'm wearing a drastic. And I can't zip the bash I I'm by allegations can come visit my address. But I love that you're wearing this hat that I'm not plan yeah out right now says mom hostile feel like I got added that corners and one of the news stories at the corners that Brooke I. All I do I love it and out which I don't single moms because I had a woman send me a message. On FaceBook she listens to the podcast loving it. But she said you should talk more about single mom I'm not a single mom mom I talk a lot of Blended Families. It's a wealth to have an the big mouth Alley fan girl talk about it but really anything where you are gonna we want to talk a little bit. Ballots sort of what you do to get through those long days of assets for other moms how do you handle the ax and making your case you know father still picture right. Send in the kids off. I'm still from that perspective I X is engaged to somebody else stale so you have a son I'm totally saying well yeah you wouldn't unity step mom on you after Tuesday after pitches all the things that you're dealing with so let's first start right off you have Tucson towel. Three and five going to be four and six that's in my mom pitcher of the U Venus single mom without getting in all the details hey I'm. It was this was that your plan name. Neared an end to panic came out of the blue now we act I thought I'd be married forever I didn't expect to get divorced and it happened and I was what six months pregnant when I filed for divorce wild but my psychic kids out. I literally had to. A husband for a year and a half of one can so iPad two people that Dan. I did it to all by myself once Hudson was born I was by myself now they say it takes a village. Who is who is part of your clothes party your tried to. Like what woody and I know you have your nanny because you were early hours no that's not an app that you have to have a support system and I don't have anything we yourself. My family fight an ally which is really inconvenient. You know things people don't think about when to get divorced tiger inconveniencing everyone around that person to the now support them in LA. My parents been a lot of dynamic sisters come visit when making an obvious and friends here now. And I it's funny a lot of my friends her single moms now it's funny how you can that your friends change rate yeah they're in now and you kind of start out people act like that complains when you're going through some easy you just won a bitch orbital. What did you when a batch now every day but also the data come a lot of tires upper back yeah hell yeah I didn't. If someone that's perhaps an appeal married relationship committed relationship to people raising the child. Can't necessarily relate to heal what do you do though unlike the really detecting OK so here's the problem around 5 o'clock is like AM PM okay. Is when you really start to lose it because they're getting tired. Your tired I guess why you sought to make dinner. Give them back to end it real book what ever gets ready for the next state to home working on and sang yeah so. There's always point toward the end of the day we're act like parents with this may be small or older kids just lose that and that's OK he's just an outsider whatever and the like. Go go way I was gonna ask you yeah you do go go outside. Or take your iPad and separate or something because if not heels go crazy you know and Amy in the right out and. Is due and you don't think about it you know people like click on my kids were when they weren't Hudson was zero to three he's going to be for now. I don't really remember a lot of stuff it's literally like survival but I feel like second just now I'm just now like know what's going on around in that weird. No I don't think so because. I can't relate to that I have my own children but. I remember talking to my mom with four kids act and we were talking about like a real popular hits on ground. 1989. The point as silly as I brought to my mom like oh we were you a big fan that's on and she looked at me and she said I was raising. For kids I don't even know how I trust myself. It's sure it's I don't know how we do anything for ourself we just doing in how. It's interesting too because. You kinda just yeah I figure in the survival mode and it's hard for two parents who were married. With yeah it's with small kids seeing now and then to do it alone but. I don't think that the physical stuff is what killed me. I think it was the ending her from the DeVore said that you know they think they've gotten my way of parenting as a single mom was the emotional. Can I tell you Alley like any relationship before. Yeah that's really really rally at feeling anger yeah like me anger result I can't see any aspects of their life. Can completely a fact every single relationship you have delivers locking her on your angry and you're not gonna be the best person he teen drivers is your life well let's talk about Garrett and sort of the X file yeah. So how do you get through that well anger it's horrible I mean at her show mad because that you Philby and and right. And even if the dad in the picture you still feel abandoned you know and I mean sounds like. You're just kind of there in each. Its peak at. Look I did I do a lot of therapy. I still go to therapy I love affair and everybody needs or we dime for every time I went on fifty shaped cakes and reference they are we go to therapy once a month I shame and that no accident that out I don't see why people don't. Feel the need to talk to somebody because more people. And now really should do that yes there he feels like it feels great yap. So there's a lot of anger and then you know but at the dignity is desensitized over time that was the other thing like. When you get divorced or let's say and I got a baby with this guy when he's dating somebody else like that. Can make you insane like he's you're like why now like here I am I need help and York. Spending your Friday night. On a date when you should be helping me raise this kid you don't get it you're a tickle your mind I don't care together or not. Why did you need to go party. You that choice to leave and are you eager to share it there's no fairness. Thing is it's not a choice I made so now I delivered by the people's choices you have now at the end of the day. There's always light at the end of the tunnel and always hated how people said it only gets better I hated that because my. That's so easy to say when you're in it. We like any you can now be cast the storm could you are trying hole to make sure your house doesn't normally in the storm right exactly empty I'd already. You know pregnant. And some emotional he hit a hole in your security that's when your fragment have to tie you know I had a son Harry and his regular old I had to take care of up again. Look it's made me stronger and a sounds cheesy but it's true in how you realize how much you're capable of kind of thing. And I don't think about it to your put in the position you have to be strong and so it with there being kind of flooding goal of anger. With. Your situation specifically. Everyone was Jesus is is their life and a very different code that's guys that I Yuri desensitized to them with other people that was all okay you get desensitized to and eventually don't care anymore how do you handle if your kids have asked you. Why are you and Dan together or until it's actually they do that you know I wanna ask somebody gathered and I was surprised they told me he asked if you can get I'm divorced. Mom's. Day. Paul is so cute but you know on a sudden I tell my daddy or never getting back to right but ever. And that's OK Taylor so. We are never ever ever. She always marry someone else whenever I am but there are times where you think it doesn't affect them. And then you realize it dies because just in that we're having pillow talking now I lay in bed with my five year old had them back and I talked on Wednesday and. He asked me why he. Why daddy I can't just put together like it wasn't like why are you in daddy married he just won both of his parents in the house because as there's a lake the two most important people in his life and I don't think a lot on emotional side he was only thinking a little bit illogical why are you not it's exactly right yeah. What did you say I just said. That daddy their divorce and we're never gonna live to gather and whatever to get back to gather and that's up and that. You know we sort of focus on no matter what even though love tingle weighed between a mom and dad it never goes away between a parent can't that's it to keep telling them. And I learned in therapy is a guy and I like I thought that up myself my god I agree Ireland. And look at some high. My situation is I'm a child of divorced parents. Hi all I see and I know I have a stepson and I see a lot of things to my step son's eyes are bat. I can't relate to the divorced and my child is I'm going to someone else's house I've only known priest an indifferent house's way I see a lot through his eyes where I can tell you as an adult now almost forty years old. Even now there's times that parents I wanna say can you guys all just like. Be in the same room and and get along the I. Here for the niece's birthday card I don't make this about you guy is right we talked about that about the awkward dance it is like you wanna hang out to your kids around after the judge can't. Really leave and they're gonna Monday both equally even. Even if one and the parents may be the worst human being out there there's something a ball the dad and the mom their dad or mom can't. He you know that's sane of you I can talk bad about my family you can't. That's how that works like that still still their dad and that's right. So it's hard for you did your parents is hard to be around but your parents at the same time tell it any easier when I'm seen as there are times when calm and even before the divorce happen when you hear little chatter. Where they would complain about the other day and as kid you're in the middle but I will tell you that there are times especially on holidays I feel like okay. Will mom she she got her Christmas and her Christmas with about eight hours. An hour. Last minute trying to figure out debts Christmas you don't get out he's a billionaire he there's also family parties that we have where you know that oh my gosh is totally on my mom's Alley and she's way more interest at this party or it may be my dad's interest and then there's certain parties where it's like. This is my dad's things break in my mom's heart you wanna still invite a ball is where it can be. Are your parents that you just want them both Blair verses yeah I can think about weddings and pictures. There's a separate phone hell because. All my parents are divorced so I never think about stuff like that but I get that your superiors now you have to think about having a picture with both parents retire I'd be cool having the both on the photo and they but they won but I they wouldn't interest yet. If I know friends that like in the right now with my stepson we have a few pictures we're all of us together gaffe it's his mom and step doubted and it's me. My husband and I reasons for parents yeah we've done that a few times and crap like incredibly awkward. But there are moments where I sort of feel like all we want a picture up on our wall. I. I think you ought to just years you guys CNET and honestly I feel like they would say the same thing. Anyway because under our separate seen it yet this kind of the way it is absolutely what you have then some some good days some wins some Dino positives that you feel like you've really gotten out of this situation. Well you get more individual time with some how I. Yes absolutely absolutely and it's interesting because I think I get to you know I even now I remember the first year that they would leave. I would round. I mean they would lead me on Wednesday night. Elizabeth outcry from five to 10 PM cracked cracked I think ours not in I was devastated now I don't even I'm fine you know idea or years later they leave I'm okay. And I think it's good because I can recharge a little kids need it when year doing everything by yourself DL. So even they're gone for today that helps you now the recharging. And just tiny bar I mean. Actually the thing about Kansas and you may agree with us of your stepson is the best part kids how funny they are their personalities and Housley and. Permit things just go only to let it out. So it's like. A lot of perspective from ma'am. Whenever I it's it's it's easier to just relax in Allenby five and single mom and DD is this something that you thought about time. Gonna do what you think you re not about it but I'm not see everyone's like when he headed to eat it's been four years I'm like when I'm ready and guess what I'm not like if you wanna fire okay. And you got really burned in this fire right in your in the hospital whatever and then. I got a year later you have fire. Are ready. I'm right you're not meaning I am I gonna have a wallet share what does that mean I'm never gonna data in 08 somebody that you're mining fulfillment. It has been a real feel like I've never felt like they needed someone to. Add to my air or ten. It's still avoid it now labor that is soul much about where we live in western way of thinking yeah. It really is I went with a friend to New York are her holiday party and now at the time. You're at home from him and Murray want and a mother asking what are you gonna have a PE. Right I was at the time maybe thirty years old act. I go to this party New York with these like I be leaders that early career career Korea asked. People that are committed relationships ever wanna get married her letter adopting kids are good I don't want kids. I sat there and thought you know it's not just about college married picket fence Brady's right everyone's life is different. A different happen until that is probably the pressure feeling here. Annie and I only ask because as part of single moms because women when my sister was a single count and she started dating now she waited a long time to have my nephew yeah whoever she was dating just like my sister in law who's going tonight. Do you feel like if and when the time comes you're gonna wait a while to the kids meet any yeah. You're like it's gonna take me want to had to trust anyone and that's not just minutes you now when you doctors at. Something where you auto porch rail like that from the you know like a husband or wife for whatever it takes a long time into trustee bowling and you're now and what is your whole. For your boys as you wrap this up is your mom Rainey to Canada's our future yeah Alex what's your hope I just wanna live in my house in New Berlin. And I want them to grow lap and I want them to do whatever they like doing I think that's not into sports I think on will be mourned art. Yeah and I you know if I need someone greats. I got to be great down the road I don't wanna get married and I don't need someone went for. Yeah I think about it then which made these bad but I don't care. Not your. Passion that's my priority in on gaming and write it it should be did you especially when it's it's you with the house with a two boys right. I love it now people may want to reach out to you know you're on pace blocking your eyes and obviously social media stuff like that. On the we can only get everything up and I mean I won the mixed Connie I wanna talk to Alley Elizabeth I get messages all the time from women who hair pointer divorce to get cheated on while they were pregnant I mean. It's sad how many messages again it's very comment you know on a media they did especially divorce when you're an OK. Why did that help is why I would've thought that was selling comic oh my gosh only question Angela what I held haven't exactly because if you're married and you're having a baby policies and getting divorced the only question we've habits. Something really. The only way to get divorced or your partner when you were delivery in yeah. New. York he'd almost excellent anyway. That was an issue leading up to I didn't know if I can happen there because they didn't trust them and. It's a really intimate moment and I say to him I said I need someone that lot loves me and support and rhino you know. He just left to me and I'm having its that's horror. I was like I need someone like. I need support and he wasn't the support at that time you know on me in the end I let him be in the air because I felt like hats for the canyon now and it knows Pakistan. Maybe I thought we get back together I don't really remember and this is again there was a lot. Remorse three months earlier there was a lock on how and who knows that. But now another question now I there's only personal Danny and I know about your about to wrap up here. Whatever I always say advice we sound rush is because we are short and studio time today on fox and live another right there aren't too. So my question is yeah you have spoken publicly down on the radio here on the podcast isn't. About what happened between you and your excitement which it's the accident happened. How old does that work so just heat. And the percent liking young to talking about that and what are your kids get older in the hearings yet no looks interesting because he hates that obviously. And we've had many arguments about that's and I sad IC a lot worse like I see a lot more angry obviously so. Had they gotten older and I am more aware because they were eighties they can even barely talk. Now they're getting older I don't talk about it that much yeah. I don't pick to make as many jabs or things like that that I would have made hatch actually try to be more conscious of it and be more careful about some of the stuff myself. By now all they did there threw it out or that fourth AirTran does it sure does pitcher that you should but he does get mad and I say you know we were married and you're in Miami talking about my life and you and so you have you have to outdoor. I'm an open to an open book I am and tell better bat he announced. Starting your light to whom it is still difference. When there are kids involved and yeah talk about dot celebrity breakups. The ones I have kids are rarely say anything because of the kids US and Chinese and he talked about any issues or ankle wallet for reasons not to be our situation is not perfect we carrier. Would situation they'll look for the most part everyone does not only get along you guys are all of a treasure adults put and I came and it it seven years after the early ship was done. Which is huge because there was no the bitterness was gone by and there was any you write what I said Allie I said. There's no way I could ever do that on the air because. Grayson is he all but not all there to know all it would count on it it out it's not just not right to do to get out there that I am a microphone and and that adds Angie as if I actually Bob it's it's for him it's grants to to see him come home and feel like. People are fighting whom you love your kids can't treat your heart it's like man and I yeah outline your life going to worry about this crap did you ask Bernie my error and again back to. You know divorce child here is that I. You hate being in the middle of the yeah I like hearing from it is reminds me never to act. My kids in the middle of anything I know this is not good to talk to people on opposite so that's exactly and that's kind of why I Ngo that's kind of like talking you'll mum. I enjoy it because I try to get things from pre since moms to be. Active bracket you're about to have a step mom and your fan yeah exactly and I. I target do you what's your hope for that now. Well. I don't know I mean obviously I'd like it to be cordial I mean I don't wanna be best friends Lance. They step mom she's not really a fan of mine so. She's really anything to do with me is so whatever I mean they're they're my kids like at some point she's gonna have to Wear on me more bat. Does it does take time now it does take a lot of time and even time in some cases doesn't like to heal things from the somebody tell me very early on. Did you get therapist if we got a family and the jury had that. The other the other thing I remember you know kids for sale people safer now think about it from their what you if you were in that position now. But I would also suggest to. This sounds bad because we're talking about human beings and lives on. You have to treat it like it's a business relationship and Terry you have emotion you've got to try to treat it like a business relationship that you can't think you're gonna change the other person back and change it's not and that's well business tiger that's a my husband's home he said this is sort of a business deal happens we have a schedule on a calendar and there's emails and there's more. It's not a lot of warm and Fuzzy personal stop it's just it is what it and maybe like it like. Up. What I eat ice is they don't beat yourself up either parents as the analyst Andy because with as I like how we do you know and I mean we don't make mistakes and its final names you know and a lot of stupid stops you know and I'm saying are we know that really matter. Yeah yeah Alley thanks Sabena edition of the team he kicked out of the studio he. We appreciated. What is happening any time. All right. Thanks Ellie. If you enjoy this podcast and you want your more make sure to subscribes you can be updated when there's a new episode so to subscribe just podcasts on your Smartphone. Open your podcast app. Or you lose your Google play app in the search backs tight end at fifty shades of K. Now the fifties spelled out so it's 50. Shades of K once the podcast comes up click on it and then hit the subscribe button and as always give any comments or suggestions for the podcast. Feel pretty email me at Elizabeth Kay radio at gmail.com. That's Elizabeth K a Y radio. At gmail.com. Thanks for listening.
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