Are you tired of your life? Time for a you-turn??

Thursday, June 29th

00:20:46

Does your life exhaust you? Does your life fulfill you? Are you a victim of circumstance and you can't seem to find your way. It's never too late to make a change and get on the right path that works for YOU!

In this podcast, host Elizabeth Kay talks with author Dr. Nancy Irwin about her book You Turn: Changing Direction Midlife. Hopefully this book will give you the courage you need to make a change.

To learn more about the book You Turn: Changing Midlife, click here.

To hear Dr. Nancy's podcast on "50 Shades of Kay" discussing her book Breaking Through! Stories of Hope and Recovery, click here.

Transcription

All right it's Elizabeth K your post a fifty shades of cage at today's podcast is all about changing direction mid life. Some call it a midlife crisis. Some people call it you'd turn including doctor Nancy Irwin who's a gas Saddam join with right now on the phone she's a primary therapist at season's recovery scanners. Also an author and doctor Nancy has a book out called you return changing direction in mid life good morning doctor Nancy. Good morning Elizabeth thanks so much for having me back. Now this podcast is very interesting to someone like myself because I'm approaching forty and for a lot of people that's considered a mid life. But a lot of my friends right now I know he's seen are going through. These changes whether their professional changes like relocate now the state. Going through a divorce adopting children. Or professional changes. Completely changing careers and you speak to that. Because you were as there re much you a standup comic but then you went back to school and became a therapists are you really this. Yeah like they can vote for. Companies can at all help is very cured in. Yeah our right and what what is do you term what would you describe it. What I would note that the book is the visual view YOU. Gash turned could you make the turn in your life. I'm maybe you'd turn because I would basically this that and the book about acute part that he changed but if all. Mean they eat it contracted the illness got forbid. Or they or don't or they were tired and the other changes that are actually which was and that you become a lack of fulfillment. Or are that the and that indeed the case that hey you know the comic you'll look back thirty minutes today so I have a lot of talk my hands I was bored. And that they're volunteering fresh help error in my community for sexually abused teenager. At the without a lot. It wake particular needs and over the course of a few weeks if you two between the clock at night and working with the kids by day at. You know what if something else I'm in ticket it is underscored that for me entertain them with really no longer fulfilling. Sell it is actively Kaymer a lot of people and it could hurt when you let him back now at an actual thing to move on. How did you know that it was time to move on any you set a little bit did you feel like you're meant to do something Mormeck. I've met people mean even myself there are times I love my job and radio I love what I do and I nine and a lucky enough to work in television as well. I get burned out. There are days right think oh my gosh am I gonna do this for another twenty plus years. But that's short lived how do people are mole if they just need a break. Or if they need to make an actual change. That the great question I think when you're burnt out and you can we stoke your engine. With the with the in the parade with working out meditations. Some sort of comedy believe whatever restored to believe that you bracket park out. But then it stopped him but I love my job but the overarching mission and purpose from like it if he knew he. Cell addict often never overwhelmed in the short term sure bet in an ad that my engine and regroup. And that's having taking the trip that it you know body care things like at easing refreshes me but I never get tired of un mission. Now as it an entertainer I'd hit it just got to be it was no lock fulfilling it was a quick take boring. That the appellate court to let. Any kid out with much like I needed to the connection I had with the kids. And it would wake up call a local what when you're when your copy. You what you propped. That this actually are there in the goes with it. And I think frankly got tired of it always been about me you know how I inherit the gap at CB. It was. Really rainy and it was out with extra testicle and meet focus. Calamity to hit it opens up a lot on the whole world out there. Are two title. That being impregnated by their parents they're getting knocked out. Israel like this other stuff split on the air but at me and my hair here. Yeah like I get what you're saying that you just felt as Colleen. That there were something bigger for you to do out there at that and stamp coming in not there's anything wrong with standup comic has to be somebody listen as podcast who's a nurse. And feeling that they're calling is standup comedy. Or and or. Rights and for people that are thinking about making a U turn and changing something in. What is the biggest thing that stops them is it fear is that money. It could be the Packers but I think more than anything else it. That negative feedback from others are you kidding what you're chances Howell he's going to be when he and it. Response that apple app let it was they've made it I don't. Yeah it. And it. It turned down and make Ayers they're there well intentioned but they're using speaking about their own fear making a change. That they'll let them project and on you to say thanks there and collect I'm now I'm probably crazy but I do an in anyway. And you have one life you've won Shia. Are now. Sure I guess I guess yeah that's a different podcast doctor Nancy now. Is this book for baby boomers specifically. Not exclusively I wrote it because that was an early forties they whenever you get hit at it I you'd turn. And that they thought that that is the I like the little point of any processed it kept the pressure point. You'd said the Icrc that they you have been ethnic experience for Europe creep you hear it in pill that you really wanna continue on that road. You ought to have at hand in front of you to know. It is laugh when I continue the electronic change now. So no lake is actually a wonderful time people can read it but hopefully you have so much with him and he's still cabinet outlet is a great. Alicia is top. Fodder for making king. What about for people that say though only just gone through a midlife crisis. Nothing. Well it isn't but at the very negative and a lot of it has to be. Sure what identity crisis. Yeah it's that had to review. You know just like you're driving or road trip in the middle of may take a break stretch their legs deliberately continue on this threat we went a year off to let it go back. At a critical. That you. And you get to see if you really wanna continue with the choice she made me glad he liked to call it mid life. Awakening. Because you do what wake up he'd make a conscious choice rather than just. Unconsciously plodding plot on the same boat because that they had that you should. Yes that can be really loud noise sometimes whether it can be from a spouse or another family member. And I think all of us have been in a situation like that. There was a time where I left radio as I would never be back in radio and I took a break and I was doing some PR mark I mean I was ever gonna come back and then an opportunity came up. You're Milwaukee and I remember. While mum and I I love my mom but she's the woman said to me. We know the radio I need to go back. You are burned out we might and but I respect my mom and her opinion does matter to me and that can be hard to hear that from people. And you look prank that they you do well intentioned they let it go with and quick answers are always right. Free it. Yeah asset wake you say that again doctor Nancy that is that is key what was that. You would it go look at and look at that all quiet leak which is always right. Oprah talks a lot about that she says with a lot of major decisions. She's gone with her guy her gut hasn't steered her on and some people call that. If their religious that caught the holy spirit talking to you or are you know it's just it's it's your subconsciously that is what is. Really talking to you demolished. You could call it a consciousness your super ego he could call that the dot beer at the college got within you could call it. You your soul what if you wanna call it that is real consequently the world it note if if you don't at all. Should be doing it you don't show all over yourself it's not a psychologist that. Hewlett employ. You ought to and that is the AD BK or your parents or someone else. If not you. They let it go when and where it not critical letter police Cheney knew blaming you what your chances at all at. Extension of the Al south will be Lar. You might go with into that quiet place and they'll all be over. Gotta be patient that you are considering making you'd turn completely apart at the don't think it can happen and we I mean collect. But it was probably. A year maybe year twelve was contemplating. Really meditating. You know checking out schools to go to think that what their career options or are and it took that well this is it at all in order and and leave the comedy world that contract at bill at all that there at the line everything up. So you can often times. While and maybe you know we all could just be a little a little easier on ourselves because for every successful person that we're looking at. Doesn't mean it didn't come with a set of failures and obstacles. And that can definitely happen especially when you're making a drastic change of for a lot of people. It can be a financial change I mean think about it if you and I know you know people like this is well and I have friends specifically that ram one type of business. And global legally change and has decided to go into whatever direction perhaps in the business world what that was financially. Quite dated quite the challenge that they were taking nine equity investment and risk perhaps. I've worked with a lot of people who got completely burnt out on the corporate America latter. It was great adding that they thought you know it not work if you are so cool and they. Cut their losses and look back at school with a cane and train to be a teacher. Or preschool teacher or started there on business have people wanted to get scaled and they just want to live simply. You down and for people like you mentioned earlier that perhaps. The change came not because they wanted it perhaps they were you know cheated on or their significant other left them or they were fired. Right or like you said. They have a diagnosis that. I health cancer scare and now they're they're deliver different lifestyle what are people going to those kinds of changes what kind of advice do you have for them based on what you've seen. Doctor Nancy. Well first of all that compassion for them and easier said than done in the moment it is very hard to be grateful what you wanna look for the silver lining. You wanna see because a lot of people have made enormous changes. For the batter the cause of the accident were divorced. Or they were fired. It depends on the attitude of the support systems you have and if you are willing to brave enough to go with an ago. It happened for some reason not made after the reason now but I'm gonna take this on and kick this habit he wouldn't really do make do with I. And they me that's when it can be a blast scene I had a friend that was let go and it was heartbreaking for her and she had really identify with who she was through this job title that she had. And she did say after about a month later she set find a lot of people is that you think they don't have enough of money or time. It's just dead and right now she said I have a lot of time. But my money is dwindling and minimize use this time claim to figure out what I'm gonna do next as she did an honor feeding it it took. Took about six to ten months but she did land on her because she took the time Amos and she had a lot of it at that point. To really interview talked to people try to find what was going to be a good fit for her and she had to do. Right right well I think permit them much more precious commodities and money. What we always make more money always something you can do to make more money that it can banquet we all 24 that's. At the 168. Hours a week the caddie when a dent and precious time that precious commodity. Down and a lot of times people are spending a chase scene and maybe change is something that they don't wanna be chasing after. So what is your favorite story doctor Nancy. Wow. I get asked that all the Capcom specifically questioned and very hard because they are also are. One of the alcoholic. Who made a huge turning it helped that these are not a professional changes. Under a woman with 42 discovered after all the issue is that lesbian. If she left to be married to a and and it's as you know. Am living a lesbian lifestyle much more happy. Blood wave unfortunately talk about something and I happen by default a woman's daughter committed suicide. And should in college and the mother was going to law that things that colleges discovered the girl had been supporting. And orphanage in India. And she was like what a artistic orbit to keep Andy at age twenty. And so it at the nations that fly to India and help the call it really has infinite compassion. Four children. Leper. So cut to the case is what the other. Under her daughter's life to pro life and get eating. She created a school for the children of lepers. Are you kidding me aren't dead just gave me goosebumps. I felt that maybe a favorite story it's just amazing and I am red that would and it used paper and I attractive woman but now. Did you check the book. This year. All. Talked about and when life gives you lemons. Into lemonade. Not with you know 101. Yeah now one in its you'd know what is. Placed you have for those that wanna make do you turn this you touched on a lot of different aspects there a movie specifically to what struck a chord with me. Is though woman he said the was married to a man. And then came out later as gay and is now living a lesbian lifestyle because there's a lot of that that I feel like I'm witnessing it with people. In my life and circles and I'm associated with. That's a really big you turn also that's that's changing your entire lifestyle and your right your identity a little bit too. Actually that reach children that feeling she had to consider. At a big at sometimes they can be very quite and the people like that. So what advice do you have for someone going through something like that. Well first of all you would it take care of your help your physical health without that your bank debt at the nail right. The UN and make sure you're eating proper nutrition working out to the best of your ability where you are apt at. And Hewitt at your level now. You would go and meditate pray if you are religious or spiritual. Maybe doing yoga but goes someplace in its current complaint if you're comfortable with medication. That Donald album it out at all you have to listen to that small quiet boy. And it may be very hard are you maybe kick in the screaming lord knows I want. Haven't used a lot of noise can hook it up against the company. That really very why haven't borne that. Quick like a warm and hot ashes but after a while you do fall in love with. And that is that what the place to be very grounding in separate ethnic and your inner voice is always right for each year. Not to be confused with a critical error point. But if you look it the way it I'll speak and state what they wanted it. What would it be when you've got a lot at Halloween that not many people he can do what your chances. What you're gonna treat yourself like is precious chop or who is waking up and realizing. What they've and what that explore. Right I start. And the do you restart. Our good support from the outlook once in your life helped lead up the positive support systems if not even if it yourself and negative Nelly. That well meaning but don't eat it did act and is sort of how a he'll look round at that allowed you to be Internet beer at the positive supporting people with what you're opting. And encourage that and hopefully understand that I don't know why they do this but not what you and current energy use. Yeah and when it does come from people that you care abolish the perhaps negative energy like he said they're perhaps mollen tension. But it it can be hurtful one of knowledge in a situation in and speaking from personal experience here. When my mom team it's me as an adult and said that she was gonna file for divorce from my dad. I was you know 25 years old I was married at that point. It came a you know a little bit as a shock and you things aren't great necessarily at home but I started to feel a little like. My mom was off doing her own thing in miss independent and rediscovering herself while my dad was trying to come to grips with the fact that his marriage was and the minute it wasn't mutual stops and he wanted. How do you handle that if you're Gideon perhaps negative feedback from things like a divorce affect your children. How can someone managed that for their kids they do they sent to state. Trust me it will give batter and he did it like did get better but as an adult child going through it. I remember being very confused and feeling in the middle and not wind to pick sides and not really wanting to know details of what was going nine. But I'd add. Times a dilemma and thought. I sure hope she's making the right decision because this is affecting all of us right. At a troop art and it's very complex. But I think our parents let their you know whatever age they are when it happens is. I've continued to I'm scared I'm maybe crazy but I'm feeling very strong with this system so I need to make. I hope you can pour in that and then just let it go and hopefully they can accept the choice you're making. And you wouldn't validate all their feelings that and comfortable and negative and paint the list they may be the feeling cannot. They're fully they 12 o'clock but is an issue validate and etiquette to prompt that but they turn something else and hopefully it will turn to accept. Right and no one has a crystal ball. So did to make promises is is hard because you can't predict what's gonna happen. In the future. But you have to validate it Katrina and that you don't understand that part of me doesn't either but I don't want to I think and I hope you concede at this time. But Pakistan where you are right now okay you take me right now up. Yeah yeah like he said be honest about that. So many takeaways from this book doctor Nancy again it's called you'd turn YOEUEU. Would turn it changing direction in mid life. Authored by doctor Nancy Irwin primary they're pissed at season's recovery center and speaking of seasons recovery senator. On doctor Nancy is also the author of breaking through stories of hope and recovery. If perhaps you're someone that is struggling with some kind of addiction and or summing your family has. The outlook has a lot of really great stories as well of inspiration and hope and people that. Did it come through that's a better and stronger and doctor Nancy you're great at writing these books that are so inspiring him. Well thank yelled at the every one little life. That they love. Writes yeah one life like you said as we know as a all right our. Ours don't we have won we have one like doctor Nancy things are being on with us today with fifty shades of K. Can't wait to have you back soon. Or if you enjoy this podcast and you want your more make sure to subscribes to can be updated when there's a new episode so to subscribe to podcasts on your Smartphone open your podcast app. Or you lose your Google play app. In the search backs tight end at fifty shades of K. Now the fifties spelled out so it's by zero shades of K once the podcast comes up got it and then hit the subscribe button and it has always give any comments or suggestions for the podcast feel pretty email me at Elizabeth Kay radio at gmail.com. That's Elizabeth KEY radio. At gmail.com. Thanks for listening.